lil paradigm shifts and christmas cards with glitter

i'm feeling a bit hazy on the details and i keep losing more and more time, but i have tried and failed to kill myself at least three times. secrets secrets are no fun, oh dip. i went to a therapist for a while and neglected to mention this detail, i didn't want to worry her with my troubles, she already thinks that i have a guilt complex and stuff. what evs, i'm in a better state of mind lately, i just don't feel as though it is my own. today i bought two new pairs of shoes and painted my bicycle to keep my mind off the fact that soon i will confront the person who made me want to stop living. i wonder if they sell greeting cards for such events, or if i will need to but a blank one and just kind of wing it...